69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
