dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
