I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
