conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
