yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
accomplished twins. life is a go
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
