dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
