The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
