He kissed a someone with a penis
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
