i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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