I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
