Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
