I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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