WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's not a foreskin expert like you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
