just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you had me at cake vodka
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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