Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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