i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
