so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
