i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
