everyone is single if you try hard enough
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
