I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
