Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
