I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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