I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
