every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.