oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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