his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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