my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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