Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
