you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
