Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize