So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
