ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
