apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
