I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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