I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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