Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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