That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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