yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
