my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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