y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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