As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
