i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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