Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
