You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
