No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
