Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize