I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
