based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
