She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
