i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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