So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize