so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
