2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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