Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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