I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My nipple is on Facebook.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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