Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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