If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
