Someone shit on the floor
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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