conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
