everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
