Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
