Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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