Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize