Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
