i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
