If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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