you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
