i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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