we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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