so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
