Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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